Mitt Romney Seriously Makes Us Want to Hurl December 18, 2006
Posted by fitsnews in : Presidential Politics , trackback
FAKEST POLITICIAN IN 2008 PRESIDENTIAL RACE DOES KABUKI DANCE WITH UPSTATE SC NEWSPAPER, READERS COMPLAIN OF DIZZINESS, DISORIENTATION
FITSNews - December 18, 2006 - So the Spartanburg-Herald Journal has finished up its two-part (meaning part one and part two) series on Massachusetts Gov. Mitt Romney.
It’s hard to know where to start with this guy, except to say that he’s clearly going to be reincarnated as either a televangelist or a used car salesman.
Of course we’re not sure if Mormons believe in reincarnation, as our limited reading about the faith suggests that Mormon men get to have lots of sex with lots of different women in the afterlife as part of populating their own “spirit moons.”
Anyway, Mitt Romney’s problem isn’t his afterlife (which actually sounds kind of enjoyable) - his problem is the here and now, and the fact that he can’t seem to tell the truth in this existence.
In deliberately positioning himself as a “socially conservative alternative” to Sen. John McCain (or New York Mayor Rudy Giuliani, for that matter), Romney has yet to come to an ideological U-turn that he hasn’t taken - with tires screeching.
It’s getting to the point where “Romney” might even start subconsciously slipping into our popular vocabulary, kind of like “Honey, I had to Romney my hair appointment. Can you pick up the kids tonight?” or “Police said the vehicle Romneyed four times before finally settling in a ditch next to the Interstate” or “I need to Romney this little boy’s diaper, Pronto,” or our personal favorite “Damnit Earl, you lost the channel Romneyer again?”
Let’s recap, shall we?
Abortion. Flip-Flop.
Gay Marriage. Flip-flop.
Stem Cells. Flip-flop.
Seriously, NASA could calibrate its most sensitive instrumentation to the beat of this guy’s flip-flopping.
As a result, Romney has not only successfully gotten to the right of both McCain and Giuliani, he has successfully gotten to the right of Jerry Falwell and Pat Robertson , not to mention a pretty sizable percentage of South Carolina evangelicals - a group which may or may not include that guy who stands outside the South Carolina State House wearing a necklace of plastic fetuses while he yells at people in passing cars.
Just listen to Team Romney gleefully touting their boy’s credibility with “Values Voters” in the recent Herald-Journal series.
“Most Americans, including those in South Carolina, are most concerned with a candidate’s values and where they stand on issues,” said Romney’s Commonwealth PAC spokesman Jared Young in Herald-Journal Article I (we’ll get to the rest of Jared’s quote in a moment).
And:
“South Carolinians, despite theological differences, will look at the person who is best suited to be president of the United States, who has the best vision, who has the best plan, and who they feel they share values with,” or so went the near identical talking points as read by Romney’s S.C. Grandmaster Warren Tompkins in Herald-Journal Article II.
Here’s the only problem: Romney’s “values” have about as much consistency as evaporated axle grease.
It’s common knowledge Romney ran to the left to get elected governor of liberal Massachusetts, then after winning, almost immediately began running to the right in an effort to appeal to early GOP Presidential primary voters in Iowa and South Carolina. Where Romney would run if he got the GOP nomination or actually became President? That’s anybody’s guess.
Based on its current strategy, Romney’s campaign for the Presidency in 2008 ultimately boils down to one simple question - how stupid are voters?
Clearly, Team Romney thinks they’re pretty dumb - especially here in South Carolina. Which brings us to the rest of Romney spokesman Jared Young’s quote in the Herald-Journal this weekend:
Gov. Romney has always stood on the side of life, he’s been a fierce defender of the sanctity of marriage, and will continue to fight for those conservative principles.
Obviously they’ve done some reasearch on the public school system here and figured “What the hell?”
Romney has, in fact, always stood on the side of life - unless of course you count every other time his name has been on the ballot prior to this one.
And then there is the matter of Romney’s local hires, a remarkable assortment of has-beens (Tompkins), never-weres (Terry Sullivan) and whiny, intemperate little children who probably require tons of medication to keep from, you know, just COMPLETELY FLIPPING OUT at any given moment (Sullivan, Wesley Donehue, et. al.).
Seriously, Romney’s dozen or so junior staffers are probably striding across the Palmetto state right now with Deputy This or That business cards, rolling to the Greenville County Young Republicans’ Club meeting like it’s a scene from Carlito’s Way, reading from the “SC Values” talking points just moments before sitting down and sliding one of those Junior Badass badges across the table to a moderately-attractive Furman University girl who probably doesn’t even put out to begin with.
You know, sometimes we’re so right it’s scary.
We here at FITSNews honestly have no idea who we like for President in 2008. Our favorite politician Tom Coburn (look him up Mitt, he’s a real social conservative, although we like him for other reasons) isn’t running, Mark Sanford turned out to be both fake and ineffective, and frankly, we’re just too busy to do it ourselves.
Hell, Democrat Bill Richardson probably does more for us than most of the GOP suits currently seeking the nation’s highest elected office.
If the election were held today, we’d probably vote for him, but it’s early yet.
After all, we could Romney our mind.
Comments»
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Mitt Romney may have evolved his views over the years, but he is in no way a “flip-flopper,” what ever that means. The media people are just trying to make that term stick, since there’s no real dirt on him, to speak of. He flipped on abortion. So what? I guess you could call him a flipper, but he never flopped. This article make you sound like a jerk.