Hitting The Nail On The Head January 31, 2007
Posted by fitsnews in : Pop Culture , add a comment
CLASSY REESE A ROLE MODEL FOR BRAT SPEARS
FITSNews - January 31, 2007 - The good folks at Go Fug Yourself hit the nail on the head with this article today contrasting Reese Witherspoon’s breakup with Ryan Phillipe and Britney Spears‘ split with K-Fed.
In sum, Reese responded to her breakup by moving to South Carolina and focusing on being a good mom to her two kids. Britney went on a months-long pantyless drinking binge with Paris Hilton. That’s still going.
Props to our girl JCG for the heads up. Now if we can just get somebody to be a driving role model for Brandy, we’re in business.
Stay Safe, James
Posted by fitsnews in : SC Politics , 1 comment so far
FORMER MINORITY LEADER HEADING TO AFGHANISTAN NEXT WEEK
FITSNews - January 31, 2007 - Politicians like Lindsey Graham and Mark Sanford may play “dress-up soldier” on the weekend, but Rep. James Smith is a real soldier, people.
He’s also one of the most genuine, straight-up individuals you’ll ever meet in the political process, period. And a great bass player, too, like Mike Mills, Sic Willie and Huckles Huckleberry.
Captain Smith, the former House Majority Leader, departs next week for an 18-month CID (Counter Insurgency Deployment) to Afghanistan as part of Operating Enduring Freedom. (more…)
Bill Stern’s Port Leadership Paying Off … For Other States
Posted by fitsnews in : SC Politics , 2 comments
PUT A BIG BUSHY MOUSTACHE ON HIM AND HE EVEN LOOKS LIKE STALIN
FITSNews - January 31, 2007 - The Charleston Post and Courier has an excellent article this morning showing what happens when South Carolina’s so-called “free market” governor appoints a bunch of Marxist-Leninists and regional chauvinists to run our State Ports Authority.
Yeah, it’s great news … if you were rooting for every other state except South Carolina to do well.
Now Josh Hartnett Is Fighting Global Warming, Too
Posted by fitsnews in : Uncategorized , 1 comment so far
LUCKY NUMBER SLEVIN HUNK CAN START BY PUTTING HIS SHIRT BACK ON
FITSNews - January 31, 2007 - The only thing dumber than the governor of the most retarded state in the country making global warming a priority is Hollywood hunk Josh Hartnett making global warming a priority.
Holy hell. The next thing we know S.C. Secretary of State Mark Hammond is going to make global warming a priority. Followed by Meredith Baxter Birney.
And that’s when the temperature of the world starts dropping and life as we know it breaths a planet-sized sigh of relief. Because Mark Hammond and Meredith Baxter Birney don’t f*ck around, people.
Senator Says Shrub Not Sole “Deciderer”
Posted by fitsnews in : US Politics , add a comment
ARLEN SPECTER ALSO HAS SOME FREAKY LOOKING JOWLS
FITSNews - January 31, 2007 - Republican Senator Arlen Specter said yesterday that President Shrub is not the “sole deciderer” of American war policy.
“The deciderer is a shared and joint responsibility,” Specter said, using language that probably made more than a few potheads that may or may not include us start laughing.
In other news, what in the hell is up with Specter’s jowls? Seriously, he looks like Darth Vader right after Luke took his helmet off in Return of the Jedi. You know, right before the Death Star blew up and Luke said “I’m going to save you” and Vader said “You already have.” Except not quite as endearing.
Tomlinson Withdraws From Secretary of State’s Race January 30, 2007
Posted by fitsnews in : SC Politics , 2 comments
FIRST CANINE TO SEEK S.C. STATEWIDE OFFICE ABANDONS BID
FITSNews - January 30, 2007 - Just two months after announcing his candidacy, Democrat Todd L. Tomlinson (pictured above) has officially withdrawn from the 2010 Secretary of State’s race. Tomlinson’s owner, a State House lobbyist who declined to be identified, said the nine-month old puppy was not quite ready for the rigorous demands of such an essential office.
“There were some chewing issues that we just weren’t able to resolve,” Tomlinson’s owner told FITSNews Tuesday afternoon. (more…)
Romney Orders Sausage Links, Then Flip-Flops To Sausage Patties
Posted by fitsnews in : Presidential Politics, Satire , 1 comment so far
CANDIDATE SAYS HIS “POSITION ON LINK IS EVOLVING”
FITSNews - Janaury 30, 2007 - After first declaring that he wanted sausage links for breakfast this morning, former Massachusetts Gov. Mitt Romney flip-flopped and told a waitress he wanted sausage patties instead.
“As governor of Massachusetts I was consistently pro-link,” Romney told reporters at a packed Lizard’s Thicket restaurant in Columbia, S.C. this morning. “But my position on link is evolving.”
Nevermind that Lizard’s Thicket is packed every morning. Anyway, asked by a self-identified GOP primary voter what his position was on raising South Carolina’s age of consent, Romney replied, “I don’t know, what do you want it to be?”
