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Not Reporting For Duty

By fitsnews • on January 24, 2007

JOHN KERRY IS NOT RUNNING FOR PRESIDENT (AND MORE IMPORTANTLY, HOW DID BRIT HUME GET IN THE BACKGROUND OF THAT PICTURE)

FITSNews - January 24, 2007 - Massachusetts Sen. John Kerry will not seek the Democratic nomination for President, and will announce his intention to seek reelection to the U.S. Senate in a floor speech later today.

The 2004 Democratic Presidential nominee, who finished a robust second-place in South Carolina three years ago (behind native son John “Flapper” Edwards), was likely planning to run again in 2008 until a botched joke about U.S. soldiers in Iraq derailed his seemingly successful image rehabilitation.

We were thinking about doing some image rehabilitation once. Kind of like when Lil’ Bow Wow insisted people start calling him Bow Wow, or when Keyshawn Johnson quit bitching about people not “giving him the goddamned ball.” Then we remembered that no one can drop dope rhymes on top of phat beats like we do. And that there’s not a defense in the world that can keep us out of the end zone, b*tches.