Scientists Can Turn Fruit Flies Queer
IT’S ALL IN THE NAME OF DISCOVERY, PEOPLE
FITSNews - December 10, 2007 - As much as we wish we were making this story up, researchers at the University of Illinois at Chicago really did announce today that they’ve figured out a way to isolate the sexuality gene in fruit flies and turn it either “on” or “off” using drugs. Oh, and if that didn’t make you horny as hell, we included a photo of two male fruit flies getting it on (presumably while listening to some Marvin Gaye) to complete the mood. You can thank us later, people.
Anyway, between this homo fruit fly experiment and the U.S. Air Force’s flirtation with the “Gay Love Bomb,” we’re starting to wonder what the hell is going on beneath those white lab coats that scientists wear all the time. Seriously, why aren’t these morons isolating the gene that makes all of us look like Angelina Jolie or Clive Owen? Or the gene that makes blended venti mocha frappucinos take a little off of our hips? Or for that matter getting rid of the gene that makes people bad drivers, Patriots fans, pedderasses or psycho-killers (qu’est-ce que c’est)?
God only knows how many millions of dollars worth of federal grants were devoted to getting a bunch of male fruit flies to ditch the chicks and start pounding each other’s rectums like a scene from Deliverance, but if it was one red cent it was one red cent too much. Scientists seriously need to stop dicking around and do something productive, or at the very least heterosexual, with their time and our hard-earned tax dollars.
Comments
By Harden Gervais on December 10th, 2007 at 11:18 pm
This is horrible. Now, we have to dodge fruit flies at the Art Bar on Friday night? F’ing great.
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